Coming Out of the Misophonia Closet

It's time to have an honest conversation about misophonia. If you're like me, you've probably been struggling with this disorder for years, feeling alone and misunderstood. But it's time to break the silence and start talking about it.

Misophonia is a real and debilitating condition that affects an estimated 20% of the population. It's characterized by an intense emotional and physiological reaction to certain trigger sounds, like chewing, slurping, or tapping. For me, it's things like chewing sounds, lip smacking, and slurping or gulping. The sound of these triggers can send me into a spiral of anxiety, anger, and even panic. It's not just an annoyance - it's a full-body response that can be debilitating.

The worst part is that many people don't understand misophonia. They think us sufferers are just being "oversensitive" or "dramatic." But the truth is, we can't control our reactions. It's not a choice, it's a neurological response that we have to learn to manage.

That's why it's so important to start talking about it. The more we share our experiences, the more people will understand. And the more people understand, the better they can support us.

I know it's not easy to open up about something so personal (and illogical!). I've been there... feeling ashamed and isolated. But I promise you there is power in vulnerability. When you share your story, you'll find that you're not alone. You will be surprised at how many people may have this condition too and never knew there was a name for it. There is a whole community of people who get it and people that want to support you, who can offer a safe landing place full of empathy.

So let's start the conversation. Let's educate our friends, family, and loved ones about misophonia. Let's advocate for more research and resources. And let's support each other on this journey of learning to live with *and manage* this condition.

It's time to come out of the misophonia closet. We deserve to be heard, understood, and supported. Let your (safe) friends and family know about your struggles... communicate your needs to them. You will find that the people who matter most will want to support you in any way that you can.

How to Break the Silence

There is no script on how to "come out of the closet" to your friends and family about misophonia, but I do have some tips to get you started:

1. Make sure you are in a grounded state of mind when you approach the subject. It is best to bring up difficult topics when you are not emotionally charged. If you are in the midst of a triggering event, do your best to excuse yourself (if you can) and feel into your body to decide if now is the right time to bring up the topic.
   
   
2. How do you know if you are grounded? Your breathing and heart rate will be regulated (not elevated). Hold your hand out in front of you. Is it shaking (not from caffiene)? Does your face feel hot? If your breathing is normal, heart rate normal, hands aren't shaky, and you don't feel overheated, it may be a good time to bring up your disorder if you are ready!
   
   
3. Simplify your language. Don't come out the gates with the word "misophonia" or even mentioning "disorder" - not at first. In my experience bringing up my disorder is best received when I pass it off as something casual and weird, but something that ails me. Like this...
   
   "So, I have something a little strange to tell you...it's hard for me to bring up!"
   
   (usually the other person will be interested and empathetic)
   
   "I am really sensitive to certain sounds. It doesn't make sense, but certain sounds make me feel (insert your physical symptoms here)."
   
   Here, they may ask some questions, or be confused. This is when I'll bring up the disorder name...
   
   "Right, so it is actually a disorder!! It's called misophonia and it turns out that about 20% of the population is estimated to have it! It really sucks."
   
   If the person you are telling is not an offender, meaning someone who makes the sounds that trigger you, you can say this...
   
   "I am telling you this because it's something I deal with on a constant basis. I am not telling you so that you become self conscious of the sounds you make. You are a really important person in my life and I wanted you to know this about me."
   
   If the person is an offender, meaning they make sounds that trigger you, see if they come to any kind of realization to say something like "Omg I make those sounds!!" If they do, you could say something like this...
   
   "You do sometimes! But I wanted to tell you so that you understand what's happening when I put on headphones or put in earplugs or leave the room...I don't want to hurt your feelings, I am just doing my best to cope in the moment."
   
   If the person doesn't realize they make sounds that trigger you, that's okay. You can take the same approach, but make it more general.
   
   "I'm telling you this because sometimes there are sounds around me that really trigger me. I don't want to cause confusion if you see me putting on headphones, or wearing earplugs, or leaving the room. When that happens, I'm doing my best to cope."
   
   
4. Having low/no expectations. Remember that this is a disorder. Yes, we wish (I WISH LOL) that people would be more mindful of the sounds they make. But at the end of the day, this is something that ails us that we have to manage. Expect less of people and you will be less disappointed.
   
   
5. Be grateful for those people in your life that are receptive and want to support you. Remember, they say honey attracts bees, not vinegar. Be support-able. The world will be a much tougher place if you approach it with a resentful and angry heart. Try to have some amusement in your disorder (I know it's hard.) Enjoy the memes I post, maybe grab a sticker...do anything to stay on the lighter side of things and to make yourself feel like you are advocating for yourself. It helps. A LOT.

The Power of Community

The more we talk about misophonia, the more people will understand. And the more people understand, the better they can support us. Studies show that when we feel supported, we have lower levels of perceived anxiety and depression as well as improved levels of overall mental health.

When you open up about your experience with misophonia, you may be surprised to find that you're not alone. There is a whole community of people who get it, who can offer advice, empathy, and solidarity.

Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly powerful. It can help you feel less alone, and give you the courage to continue advocating for yourself and your needs.

Taking Action

So let's start yelling into the proverbial megaphone about misophonia! Let's educate our friends, family, and loved ones. Here are some organizations you can support and share with friends and family that are actively researching and advocating for misophonia sufferers:

• Misophonia Research Fund
  
  The Misophonia Research Fund (MRF) is focused on advancing scientific breakthroughs and ending suffering from misophonia. We support research investigating the causes of misophonia and look for effective, evidence-based treatments.
  
  
• The International Misophonia Foundation
  
  A non-profit dedicated to misophonia, misokinesia, and sensory processing disorders.
  
  
• soQuiet
  
  soQuiet offers advocacy, support, and resources for people whose lives are affected by misophonia so that they may lead productive and serene lives.
  
  
• The Misophonia Institute
  
  The Misophonia Institute was organized in 2015 with Tom Dozier as the director. The Misophonia Institute is a virtual institution. It is comprised of many misophonia researchers and professionals dedicated to understanding misophonia and improving the life of those who suffer with it.
  
  
• Duke Center for Misophonia and Emotion Regulation
  
  The Duke Center for Misophonia and Emotion Regulation (CMER) is actively conducting clinical research on Misophonia, providing education to the public, and evaluating adult patients with treatment and management recommendations about Misophonia.

I hope this helps! Leave a comment down below if you have any questions or want to share your "coming out" experience 👇

Peace, love, and silence, 

-Megan
STFU Founder & Owner